I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
