Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Randomize
