Tell her she can't have a vagina
Buhtt sex?
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
