I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
