Got a toothbrush?
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
