Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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