i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
