he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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