Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
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