He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I want to fling myself into the sun
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
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