Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
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