I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
