lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
