so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
