She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
