i already hear my dad disowning me
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Randomize
