I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
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