If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
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