Your tits are I can't wait for
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
