Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Randomize
