So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize