He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
