Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
he fucked my hip out of place.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
