he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
no you cant smoke seaweed
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Randomize
