Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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