I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Randomize
