Define "chronic" masturbator.
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
