my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Randomize
