"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
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