i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
be right there i have to get my cape
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
