this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Randomize
