So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
