Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
