Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Randomize
