why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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