Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
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