I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
you win again, gameday.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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