Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Randomize
