I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I just blew my weed a kiss
Everyone says I win the strip club
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
i think we sleep fucked last night...
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
