that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
