I want to have your abortion
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
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