i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
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