It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Randomize
