This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
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