I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Randomize