She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Randomize
