obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
