she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Is Oprah even human
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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