I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
