She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
These tits shall not be calmed
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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