Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
