He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
