You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Randomize
