I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
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