Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
