btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize