She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
