You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
