all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
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