Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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