I want to walk on stilts...naked
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Help. Why am I so naked?
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