Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Randomize
