My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
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