i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
