So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
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