We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
