after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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