***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
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