There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
two words: eviction party
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
