Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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