my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
All I want is dick and wine.
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