The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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