It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I want to fling myself into the sun
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
