She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize