Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Randomize
