I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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