Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Randomize