Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Randomize
