it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
