Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
