Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
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