If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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