so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
Randomize