there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
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