Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Randomize
