That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
