I feel great
I just peed on a car
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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