The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
