I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Randomize
