Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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