It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
