sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Randomize
