but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
