I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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