I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
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